No One Sees the Work I’m Doing!

No One Sees the Work I’m Doing!

“…impact, like beauty, is in the eye of the beholder”

Before you read this post, lets first get out of head that popularity means you’re not doing purposeful work.  That is the FURTHEST from the truth. There’s nothing wrong with being popular!

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Now that we got that out the way, let’s get to it! It’s been a minute!!! I’ve been away, deep in Tax Season Valley!  My busy season (kind of) ended last week, and I “celebrated” by having a spa day!  I stayed behind and enjoyed the amenities this time, and used the alone time to really reflect on the work I’d done, and will continue to do, going forward.  One thing I asked myself was, “What do I want my impact to be?”  I further thought on if I’m moving in a way that communicates that, AND do people SEE me doing this work?  I thought about how impact, like beauty, is in the eye of the beholder.  What is impactful to me, may not be impactful to the next.  I also asked myself, would I continue to do the work, if I never got recognition, but was sure that I was making impact.

Continue reading “No One Sees the Work I’m Doing!”

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Therapy: A Game Changer

Therapy: A Game Changer

Late last year, I began my love affair with therapy! Quite literally, one of the best decisions I’ve ever made in my life.  My decision to go was very impromptu and impulsive, but this is the one time that I was truly appreciative of my impulsive nature. I did not go because I was suicidal, depressed, or mentally ill!  I went because I wanted to dump…Dump a ton of SHIT, on someone who won’t judge me and that is paid to LISTEN to understand, and not reply.

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So the back story is, I lived in Chicago for a stint, and while living there, I feel like all of my girl-friends went to therapy.  I never really gave it much attention, it was more like an “O, that must be the thing to do here.”  So, as I tell you guys in every single post, I quit my job last year in March, and became a full-time entrepreneur. I remember there was a month, that was just a struggle (pay your small businesses on time) and I was ready to go back to a 9-5 for about 5 hours.  The day after, we were good and paid, and the ebbs and flows of being an entrepreneur continued (with the rest of life) and I decided, I wanted a therapist.

If you’re anything like me, when I want something, I simply can not stop thinking about it, until I make it happen.  So being an entrepreneur, I wasn’t sure that my health insurance covered therapy.  I called and, it did!  I immediately began my search for an African-American, female therapist, because….well, HELLO!

So I found my therapist, and I remember I had like a two-week window before my first appointment.  Those two weeks were brutal because I drove myself crazy thinking about what I wanted to dump firs: work, single-parenthood, dating, new ideas, etc.  Turns out I covered it all, in one hour (LOL), and ever since then, I’ve been back every week!  I am no longer dumping, but I am just having general life conversations with my therapist.

Let me explain to you how much I love therapy (*cues Tony Braxton “Count the Ways”):

  1. My therapist is SIGNIFICANTLY older that me! Old enough to be my grandparent! No shade.  I don’t think she’s a 100% perfect fit for me, because she doesn’t 100% relate to a 34-year-old.  HOWEVER, I really appreciate the blunt and unbothered aura that comes with an aging woman.  I will at some point look for another therapist, but I have gotten comfortable.  So, she’ll probably have to put me out first.
  2. I don’t have any “real” problems, but therapy feels so healthy for me, that I don’t see myself stopping anytime soon.  My therapist recommended that I come once a month, instead of every week, and I was like, “Nahhh, ummm let’s try bi-weekly, first!” I tried bi-weekly and I told her, “Nope, I’ll see you next week…not interested.” It’s my me time, and it literally feels good to just talk through my week.  I look forward to therapy, every week!  It’s the one time a week, that I put work on pause.
  3. Therapy really allows me the opportunity to think through and resolve life in a way that just feels good!   My therapist does not listen to my scenarios and offer solutions.  Instead we talk, and the conversations inspire new ways of thinking and processing behaviors and events, that I encounter daily.  In the event, I don’t agree with something, or something doesn’t apply, I leave it right there, in that room.

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I talk very candidly about going to therapy, and I encourage my close friends to go, as well.  Now, what’s hilarious is, whenever I’ve told a guy that I go to therapy, there’s always a short pause, LMBO, as if they think somethings wrong with me.  It’s quite funny!  However, I always ignore them, and I really try to normalize it for everyone I encounter! As I navigate through working and engaging, I am shocked to encounter other women who are married, single, and of many stages in life, attending therapy!  It’s refreshing to know, that we are taking care of our mental health!

Therapy, has been a game changer for me.  It’s really a form of self-care that I don’t intend on stopping anytime soon!

Busy, but I aint Complaining’!

 “In my busyness, I have learned to give God thanks…”

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There’s not enough time, in a day…but what else is new?

Oh, hey y’all!  Happy New Year!  I took much of January off from writing to focus solely on my accounting practice and prepare for the upcoming busy season.  So I’m back (kind of) to discuss how I manage my season of business, and the potential stress of it all!

Have you ever been so busy, that you begin to complain about it? Not sleeping, not eating (properly or at all), or even having enough time to do the things you need to do.  Very stressful, right? RIGHT!   Well…Welcome to my January – April of TWENTY-EVERY YEAR! It’s my busy season, as I am an accountant, and Co-Owner of J&F Advisors, PLLC (book your appointment online *wink*).  This is the time of year where I have to miss a ton of invites, and my friends wonder if I’m acting funny because I don’t call!

Being busy use to really take a toll on me, until one day I had an epiphany! I was complaining about what I’d asked God to allow me to do! My prayers went a something like this, “God give me the knowledge and tools to grow my business.  Help me to find favor amongst many, and the ability to present a favorable product to my clients.”  Super good prayer!  I didn’t think about what that growth and favor looked like, then; but I can SURELY tell you what it looks like now!  It looks like….BUSY!

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I am constantly multitasking, running from one meeting to the next, scrambling for time, and usually running out.  In my busyness, I have learned to give God thanks, and to pray for the strength, willingness, and hunger to go after it all.  I’ve also prayed for God to deliver me from this season of busyness, as he sees fit, because only He knows how I want to spend a week on a beach for my birthday (which falls during busy season).

The other option of complaining and being unappreciative; let me tell you exactly where that got me: moody, stressed out, and burnt out!  Changing my perspective, changed my enthusiasm around the hard work that’s required to be a business owner, or to work a job at all!  Heavy is the head that wears the crown. It helped me to realize that the very things I pray for, require hard work, tenacity, resilience, and PATIENCE!

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Let’s not dismiss that fact that we get tired with everything that Mom’s juggle, and please don’t ever think that to be successful you have to skip out on sleep!  I am a night owl, naturally; I also understand the value in rest! Running on empty will  have you in a race that you’ll never win!  So, I am not suggesting that you don’t get rest!  Instead, I’m shedding a little light to say, appreciate your season of busyness, and work and pray for it’s ending.  Realize that it’s apart of the “Glow Up”, and move along with your day!  You got this, baby girl!

Productive & Present – Is that a Thing?

Today, January 2, 2019 is the likely the FIRST day, that I woke up, and made my child a hot breakfast before leaving for school.

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One of my biggest challenges, with (I was going to say being an entrepreneur) having a career, is ensuring that I am giving my career and my child adequate attention. I’ve had a very demanding career for the last 10 years, and during some seasons, I’ve struggled with taking care of myself, because I was working so hard.

Throwing a child in the mix, shook things up a bit. Today, January 2, 2019 is the likely the FIRST day, that I woke up, and made my child a hot breakfast before leaving for school. Sue me, but she’s been eating school breakfast, for the last 3 years. Burnt out from working late hours and minimal sleep, my goal has usually been, to just get her to school before breakfast isn’t an option!

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Balance has always been a sore topic for me because of work, and without the help of my mom (mostly), I don’t know how I’d do it.  In hindsight, for two years my mom washed and folded my and my daughter’s clothes.  She cleaned my home regularly (and still does whenever she’s here), so that I could have time with my daughter, when I wasn’t working.  Outside of wanting to transition to full-time entrepreneurship, the most pressing reason I wanted to leave my corporate job was because I needed to spend more time with my daughter.  I wanted to make time for the library, homework, or to simply enjoy a meal together.

I’ve had a very demanding career for the last 10 years…

Working and having a child (and family) is challenging because you want to continue to elevate in both arenas.  You’re usually working to be promoted or to grow/sustain your business, and with motherhood, it is an ever-evolving job that requires continuous improvement and adjusting. I want my child to think back on her childhood, and know that she’s been a priority, that I took time to hug and kiss her, and to do meaningful things with her.  My worse fear is that she will grow up to think that work was more important than her.

Over the last nine months, the biggest lesson I’ve learned, is that I have to be intentful and purposeful with my time!  Ninety percent of the time, I work from home.  So I’m still working all day, but planning my day/week/month includes planning time to spend with my daughter. I have set days, that we go to the library.  Whenever she brings books home from school, I make sure that we read them at the dinner table. She gets about an hour to two of TV (mostly educational) every night, while I work, and then we try to get in bed at a decent hour. We pretty much do everything together, and on the weekends I can go really hard with working at least one full day, because she’ll stay with my mom, or her dad.

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There is no perfect answer on how to balance it all.  It requires adjustments, resetting, and effort; effort being the most important! Remember that your journey in business and in motherhood, is your own; and you don’t have to mirror any one else’s!