“…impact, like beauty, is in the eye of the beholder”
Before you read this post, lets first get out of head that popularity means you’re not doing purposeful work. That is the FURTHEST from the truth. There’s nothing wrong with being popular!
Now that we got that out the way, let’s get to it! It’s been a minute!!! I’ve been away, deep in Tax Season Valley! My busy season (kind of) ended last week, and I “celebrated” by having a spa day! I stayed behind and enjoyed the amenities this time, and used the alone time to really reflect on the work I’d done, and will continue to do, going forward. One thing I asked myself was, “What do I want my impact to be?” I further thought on if I’m moving in a way that communicates that, AND do people SEE me doing this work? I thought about how impact, like beauty, is in the eye of the beholder. What is impactful to me, may not be impactful to the next. I also asked myself, would I continue to do the work, if I never got recognition, but was sure that I was making impact.
Late last year, I began my love affair with therapy! Quite literally, one of the best decisions I’ve ever made in my life. My decision to go was very impromptu and impulsive, but this is the one time that I was truly appreciative of my impulsive nature. I did not go because I was suicidal, depressed, or mentally ill! I went because I wanted to dump…Dump a ton of SHIT, on someone who won’t judge me and that is paid to LISTEN to understand, and not reply.
So the back story is, I lived in Chicago for a stint, and while living there, I feel like all of my girl-friends went to therapy. I never really gave it much attention, it was more like an “O, that must be the thing to do here.” So, as I tell you guys in every single post, I quit my job last year in March, and became a full-time entrepreneur. I remember there was a month, that was just a struggle (pay your small businesses on time) and I was ready to go back to a 9-5 for about 5 hours. The day after, we were good and paid, and the ebbs and flows of being an entrepreneur continued (with the rest of life) and I decided, I wanted a therapist.
If you’re anything like me, when I want something, I simply can not stop thinking about it, until I make it happen. So being an entrepreneur, I wasn’t sure that my health insurance covered therapy. I called and, it did! I immediately began my search for an African-American, female therapist, because….well, HELLO!
So I found my therapist, and I remember I had like a two-week window before my first appointment. Those two weeks were brutal because I drove myself crazy thinking about what I wanted to dump firs: work, single-parenthood, dating, new ideas, etc. Turns out I covered it all, in one hour (LOL), and ever since then, I’ve been back every week! I am no longer dumping, but I am just having general life conversations with my therapist.
Let me explain to you how much I love therapy (*cues Tony Braxton “Count the Ways”):
My therapist is SIGNIFICANTLY older that me! Old enough to be my grandparent! No shade. I don’t think she’s a 100% perfect fit for me, because she doesn’t 100% relate to a 34-year-old. HOWEVER, I really appreciate the blunt and unbothered aura that comes with an aging woman. I will at some point look for another therapist, but I have gotten comfortable. So, she’ll probably have to put me out first.
I don’t have any “real” problems, but therapy feels so healthy for me, that I don’t see myself stopping anytime soon. My therapist recommended that I come once a month, instead of every week, and I was like, “Nahhh, ummm let’s try bi-weekly, first!” I tried bi-weekly and I told her, “Nope, I’ll see you next week…not interested.” It’s my me time, and it literally feels good to just talk through my week. I look forward to therapy, every week! It’s the one time a week, that I put work on pause.
Therapy really allows me the opportunity to think through and resolve life in a way that just feels good! My therapist does not listen to my scenarios and offer solutions. Instead we talk, and the conversations inspire new ways of thinking and processing behaviors and events, that I encounter daily. In the event, I don’t agree with something, or something doesn’t apply, I leave it right there, in that room.
I talk very candidly about going to therapy, and I encourage my close friends to go, as well. Now, what’s hilarious is, whenever I’ve told a guy that I go to therapy, there’s always a short pause, LMBO, as if they think somethings wrong with me. It’s quite funny! However, I always ignore them, and I really try to normalize it for everyone I encounter! As I navigate through working and engaging, I am shocked to encounter other women who are married, single, and of many stages in life, attending therapy! It’s refreshing to know, that we are taking care of our mental health!
Therapy, has been a game changer for me. It’s really a form of self-care that I don’t intend on stopping anytime soon!
“In my busyness, I have learned to give God thanks…”
Oh, hey y’all! Happy New Year! I took much of January off from writing to focus solely on my accounting practice and prepare for the upcoming busy season. So I’m back (kind of) to discuss how I manage my season of business, and the potential stress of it all!
Have you ever been so busy, that you begin to complain about it? Not sleeping, not eating (properly or at all), or even having enough time to do the things you need to do. Very stressful, right? RIGHT! Well…Welcome to my January – April of TWENTY-EVERY YEAR! It’s my busy season, as I am an accountant, and Co-Owner of J&F Advisors, PLLC (book your appointment online *wink*). This is the time of year where I have to miss a ton of invites, and my friends wonder if I’m acting funny because I don’t call!
Being busy use to really take a toll on me, until one day I had an epiphany! I was complaining about what I’d asked God to allow me to do! My prayers went a something like this, “God give me the knowledge and tools to grow my business. Help me to find favor amongst many, and the ability to present a favorable product to my clients.” Super good prayer! I didn’t think about what that growth and favor looked like, then; but I can SURELY tell you what it looks like now! It looks like….BUSY!
I am constantly multitasking, running from one meeting to the next, scrambling for time, and usually running out. In my busyness, I have learned to give God thanks, and to pray for the strength, willingness, and hunger to go after it all. I’ve also prayed for God to deliver me from this season of busyness, as he sees fit, because only He knows how I want to spend a week on a beach for my birthday (which falls during busy season).
The other option of complaining and being unappreciative; let me tell you exactly where that got me: moody, stressed out, and burnt out! Changing my perspective, changed my enthusiasm around the hard work that’s required to be a business owner, or to work a job at all! Heavy is the head that wears the crown. It helped me to realize that the very things I pray for, require hard work, tenacity, resilience, and PATIENCE!
Let’s not dismiss that fact that we get tired with everything that Mom’s juggle, and please don’t ever think that to be successful you have to skip out on sleep! I am a night owl, naturally; I also understand the value in rest! Running on empty will have you in a race that you’ll never win! So, I am not suggesting that you don’t get rest! Instead, I’m shedding a little light to say, appreciate your season of busyness, and work and pray for it’s ending. Realize that it’s apart of the “Glow Up”, and move along with your day! You got this, baby girl!
“You life is a reflection of what you hold inside of you, and what you hold inside of you is always under your control.”
With approximately three weeks left in 2018, everyone is moving full steam, trying to decide on how they can make the next year better than this one! I love the optimism that comes during this season, and how everyone is looking to tap into their gifts and what they want out of life. One of the best things I’ve done for myself, is to create a career for myself where I am also able to combine the things I’m passionate about. In doing that, my gift has made room for me! I have been presented with opportunities, allowing me to operate in my gift, not only providing me with financial gain, but with a feeling of accomplishment and fulfillment.
I had a talk with a client one day, and he told me “When you’re operating in fear, you can talk yourself out of so much.” He went on to describe how we become a meteorologist, a psychologist, a psychic, and so on, when we are thinking of why things won’t work. The weather will be bad, people won’t like my idea, it’s not the right time, what if I fail – excuses for not executing. However, what if none of those things exist, and you can truly walk in your gift! Walking in your gift does not mean that you have to quit your 9-5. Heck, your 9-5 could be the very place that allows you to do that. It does mean that you must have an honest conversation with yourself about what will suit you best, in this moment.
“You don’t need permission or creative license to design the life you know you are worthy of, so adjust your crown and prepare to rule.” ~ June Ambrose
I talk about, in many of my blogs, how I worked a 9-5 and ran my personal business, for SEVEN years, simultaneously. I switched jobs quite a bit, because non of them felt like a really good fit for me. In hindsight, I realized that I was the common denominator, and the only work that I have been truly happy with, is the work I’ve done for myself. I knew that at some point, I’d end up working for myself, but I did not know when and what would be the determining factor. Honestly, I didn’t know until three months out, that it was time to quit. In short, I was unreasonably busy, my business was growing, and being a present mom was important to me. Once I had that conversation with myself, I was ready to leave that day! I ended up waiting, three months, until I got my bonus!
Working for myself has also allowed me the flexibility to do other work, that I’m passionate about, like Corporate Momming! Starting this blog has allowed me to connect with many like-minded moms, and business women. It has further allowed me to tap into other ways in which people need what I have to offer. My gifts are still making room for me!
If you struggle with identifying your gift(s), it’s the thing(s) that don’t go away. The thoughts and actions that constantly resurface, even when you’re purposely avoiding them! Maybe you’re good at creating, planning, encouraging others, or something as simple as writing! Whatever it is, they all have the ability to allow you the flexibility to operate in them, as you see fit! Choosing not to, will cause constant dissatisfaction! Every job, and every tasks will become daunting experiences because you are doing the work to fulfill someone else’s vision and not your own.
This time around, while doing vision boards, grab pen and paper, and write down your ideas to go along with the photos you attach. Also include language around, ways in which you can find more fulfillment in the work that you do! Remove the focus from money (I can almost promise, it will come!) and spend time really digging into the work that makes you happy! Also, hold yourself accountable to that by constantly checking in and determining where or if adjustments are needed.
All underwear, are not created equal, and wearing the wrong underwear can turn your attire from business casual to inappropriate. Whether you’re fat, skinny, tall or short, this conversation applies to you! This is a lesson that can and should be applied to your attire in and out of the workplace. Your underwear, should never spill out excessive butt, hips, or stomach, and doing so, can ultimately take your outfit from class (or simply cute) to trash. Honey attracts bees, and we want to be sure to that we are sending the appropriate and intended message.
We are living in a time where over exposure is welcomed and appreciated. If that’s what you enjoy, this conversation isn’t for you (if it don’t apply, let it fly). Instead I am talking to women who are looking to uphold an image of class, while maintaining a clean and professional look. Having the wrong undergarments can immediately diminish your look, and I’d imagine is not the most comfortable.
I am surrounded and CONSTANTLY influenced by the hustle, hearts, elegance, charisma and GANGSTA of all the Girl Bosses in Detroit! I mean, Detroit women have a presence about them, that is undeniable and of all the places I’ve been, I’ve never seen women hustle (in heels) like WE do! By no means, is this shade, to women from any other place, but Detroit women have “IT”, okay? It doesn’t matter where they live, or what they are doing. Having Detroit, in their DNA, sets them apart.
My purpose in starting Corporate Momming was to inspire moms to go after the things they’re passionate about, and still KILL at motherhood, simultaneously. Doing so requires a circle of people you can be inspired by, and who you SEE carrying out the same things that make you go “WOW, she’s killing it, WITH a baby on her hip!” – and by baby, I don’t literally mean an infant, I am more so highlighting the fact that they are moms! Rather they are your friends, friends in your head or people you follow on IG, I am 100% sure that you can find women from Detroit, that are doing the DAMN THANG!
“My great-great-grandchildren already rich, that’s a lot of brown children on your Forbes list” – Beyoncé
While scrolling Facebook, this morning, one of my grammar school classmates posted a screen print of a conversation between her and her daughter. Her daughter was telling her mom that the school had been on lockdown, because of a shooting that happened just steps away from her. My heart became heavy, and I ventured to think about why all the senseless killings, in our schools and amongst our youth overall, are taking place. What could be lacking? How do we close the gap? Why don’t our children know the value of life, and the cost of taking one?
We, as parents, are working really hard, to make a living and make sure our children don’t have to worry about some of the things we may have coming up, and to leave a legacy for generations to follow. We want them to have assets, money, college paid for, so on and so forth. Generational wealth, ya know?
“…rich in love, in spirituality, individuality, kindness, service, consideration, and more.”
However, wealth goes far beyond the things we can acquire and leave behind. We have to make investments in ourselves and children, to ensure that generations to follow are mentally, physically, and spiritually healthy. I always speak about how, people favor my mom’s children because of who she’s been to them. Her being, a kind, caring and prayerful woman has caused people in return to be really good to us; and I, as a mom, am consciously sewing the seed to do the same for my child.
Moreover, what we tell our children about themselves, the environments we place them in and what we do in front of them, directly affects their behavior. Children need to hear their parents tell them that they love them, and moreover that love needs to be shown, daily. Our children have to be rich in so many things, that don’t involve money, to ensure that they, along with their lineage, are “wealthy”. They must be rich in love, in spirituality, individuality, kindness, service, consideration, confidence and more.
In addition to working hard, as parents we have to monitor what we allow or children to be influenced by. We can’t watch and laugh at trash TV, where women are fighting over men, and belittling themselves, and expect that are children won’t be influenced by it. EVERY thing we do, affects our children and generations to follow!