I am surrounded and CONSTANTLY influenced by the hustle, hearts, elegance, charisma and GANGSTA of all the Girl Bosses in Detroit! I mean, Detroit women have a presence about them, that is undeniable and of all the places I’ve been, I’ve never seen women hustle (in heels) like WE do! By no means, is this shade, to women from any other place, but Detroit women have “IT”, okay? It doesn’t matter where they live, or what they are doing. Having Detroit, in their DNA, sets them apart.
My purpose in starting Corporate Momming was to inspire moms to go after the things they’re passionate about, and still KILL at motherhood, simultaneously. Doing so requires a circle of people you can be inspired by, and who you SEE carrying out the same things that make you go “WOW, she’s killing it, WITH a baby on her hip!” – and by baby, I don’t literally mean an infant, I am more so highlighting the fact that they are moms! Rather they are your friends, friends in your head or people you follow on IG, I am 100% sure that you can find women from Detroit, that are doing the DAMN THANG!
“My great-great-grandchildren already rich, that’s a lot of brown children on your Forbes list” – Beyoncé
While scrolling Facebook, this morning, one of my grammar school classmates posted a screen print of a conversation between her and her daughter. Her daughter was telling her mom that the school had been on lockdown, because of a shooting that happened just steps away from her. My heart became heavy, and I ventured to think about why all the senseless killings, in our schools and amongst our youth overall, are taking place. What could be lacking? How do we close the gap? Why don’t our children know the value of life, and the cost of taking one?
We, as parents, are working really hard, to make a living and make sure our children don’t have to worry about some of the things we may have coming up, and to leave a legacy for generations to follow. We want them to have assets, money, college paid for, so on and so forth. Generational wealth, ya know?
“…rich in love, in spirituality, individuality, kindness, service, consideration, and more.”
However, wealth goes far beyond the things we can acquire and leave behind. We have to make investments in ourselves and children, to ensure that generations to follow are mentally, physically, and spiritually healthy. I always speak about how, people favor my mom’s children because of who she’s been to them. Her being, a kind, caring and prayerful woman has caused people in return to be really good to us; and I, as a mom, am consciously sewing the seed to do the same for my child.
Moreover, what we tell our children about themselves, the environments we place them in and what we do in front of them, directly affects their behavior. Children need to hear their parents tell them that they love them, and moreover that love needs to be shown, daily. Our children have to be rich in so many things, that don’t involve money, to ensure that they, along with their lineage, are “wealthy”. They must be rich in love, in spirituality, individuality, kindness, service, consideration, confidence and more.
In addition to working hard, as parents we have to monitor what we allow or children to be influenced by. We can’t watch and laugh at trash TV, where women are fighting over men, and belittling themselves, and expect that are children won’t be influenced by it. EVERY thing we do, affects our children and generations to follow!
We all know about the constant circulation of meme’s that discuss how people who don’t know you, support you before your friends do, or expressing how the lack of support from friends affect the individual. Essentially, people get REALLY offended when friends and family don’t support their business, ideas, and/or events. Let it go! I’ll say it again, LET. IT. GO.
“…they don’t understand your line of business…”
I am really about focusing on the things I have rather than the things I don’t have. I have, what one may consider, A LOT (probably a solid 10) of GOOD friends! I mean, women that I’m close to, that I consider more like sisters, than friends. To my knowledge, only one of them reads Corporate Momming, two of them have patronized my accounting firm, and I’m completely fine with that. I guess I will find out if there are more that do, after reading this. My point is, I am not looking to see who is reading and who is not. In fact, I sometimes send them blogs, that I think they’d be interested in. I do not think they are bad friends, or that they don’t care about me. The truth is, I am focused on providing a good product for the people who are supporting my endeavors.
It is a very kind gesture for your friends to support your entrepreneurial efforts, very kind. It is not a requirement. Further, I think it is somewhat selfish to place that expectation on your friends. They are adults with busy lives, and personal obligations that impact how they move and what they do. Their lack of support does not indicate malicious intent, and it’s no reason to take it personal, unless you’re otherwise concerned about their commitment to the friendship.
“I don’t think that it’s really fair to guilt trip a friend for not supporting.”
For the most part, I consider myself to be pretty involved and active in supporting whatever my friends are working on. In general, I consider to be very giving of my time, support, and knowledge when it comes to those I love! That’s a VERY hard commitment to make, and in general I think it takes a very thoughtful and generous person to willingly and constantly support every time you drop a new item, read every blog post, or shout you out because you’re popping, lol! Come on.
I don’t think that it’s really fair to guilt trip a friend for not supporting. It could be that they don’t understand your line of business, or don’t have a need for the product you’re offering. It could also be worse; your friends could be asking you to provide free/discounted services, or they could just be difficult to work with, because of the relationship. Lets also consider, critiques from your friends and family could sting a lot more, than from those you don’t consider close. So there are pros and cons on either side.
Ultimately , your focus should start and end with the people who are supporting you. Those are your people, as far as your business is concerned. Yes, we are human and we will consider where support is lacking. However, you have to make a choice to focus on the people who are assigned to you, and how that assignment can grow as a result of the service you provide. As I mentioned, it is a kind and thoughtful gesture, when friends support! Please remember this: If God placed these ideas on your heart, He will give you everything you need to succeed in that endeavor!
Having real boundaries set, were not a real thing to me until I had a child. There were boundaries that I had subconsciously set, based on my moral compass, and time. However, having a child made me really think about things that I could no longer allow or participate in, to ensure I was spending my time and energy where it was most important, with my child.
As I begin to grow in motherhood and as an entrepreneur, I began to set more and more boundaries. Boundaries were necessary in order for me to be to be organized, to have peace, and ultimately to be successful. I was, initially, very reactive in setting boundaries, setting them only after a point of frustration. Then I realized the benefit of proactively setting them to avoid frustration, confusion, and wasted time. I also learned that when setting boundaries, I had to eliminate emotional inhibitions. I couldn’t be concerned with how people would feel (if my heart was in the right place) and I had to focus on what was best for my child and my personal success.
What the hell? I was ready to go back to work last week. I called my business partner and told her. I think I am about to start looking for a job, and I was serious! Thank God she didn’t really entertain me too much, she just said “I understand”, lol! My best friend told me, “You need time with your child, just ride the wave.” The next day, I was completely fine. In fact, I’m overwhelmed with work and totally against going back to work now, LOL.
Three years ago, my daughter came into my life! I did not come into hers, and I do not move in a fashion that suggests such, either. I don’t mean that in a mean or aggressive way, more so in a realistic way! I am often asked, how I handle and how I balance. The answer is, how I always have. I get it done! I don’t make excuses for myself, and I definitely don’t use her as an excuse! If I don’t kill, then we don’t eat. So, I do what I have to do, it’s simple. I focus on one thing, getting it done! I have moved this way since she was born, and so, this is second nature for us.
“Being powerful means helping someone else find their voice.”
POWER. What comes to mind when you think of being in power? Being in control, in charge, strong – flexing your muscle, having it ALL. That sounds like power, right? Power is having the ability to orchestrate the results you want in a given situation; it is having the wherewithal to delegate and to make decisions that will largely affect others.
WRONG!!! Power is leadership, and how your leadership can impact those led by you! It is using your position and resources to benefit others, in a positive light! Power is using your leadership to inspire and create more leaders. “Lifting as we Climb”, a mantra coined by the National Association of Black Accountants, is what having power is all about.